


you don't have to explain it to me

by glittermerm



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 10:16:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18150557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittermerm/pseuds/glittermerm
Summary: “Hi Jinhwan, long time no see,” Yunhyeong beams up at him.“I saw you yesterday,” Jinhwan deadpans, before smiling at the younger. He seems to become aware of Chanwoo’s still glowering presence at that point.“Hi Chanwoo,” he says softly.“Hey,” Chanwoo says shortly, before slurping his bubble tea loudly, ignoring the way Jinhwan’s face falls.





	you don't have to explain it to me

“You two used to be so close,” Yunhyeong says, stirring his coffee.

“Yeah,” Chanwoo agrees, crumpling a napkin and trying not to look at the man on the other side of the room.

“So what changed? You two never told anyone,” Yunhyeong says, drawing Chanwoo’s attention back.

Chanwoo shrugs, and is silent. Yunhyeong gives him a sharp look. Chanwoo sighs. “Things change,” he says, and pulls the hood of his sweatshirt up. It acts like horse blinders, blocking everything except Yunhyeong from his vision. 

They sit in the cafe of the library, their work spread out in front of them. Neither of them has been studying for awhile, not since Jinhwan had walked in. Now, Chanwoo is overly invested in his bubble tea, and Yunhyeong in prying.

“Things can always change back,” Yunhyeong says with a pointed smile, before raising his hand and waving it. 

“Fucker,” Chanwoo snarls, leaning forward to threaten Yunhyeong, before quickly falling back against his seat when he hears footsteps padding their way. He settles for glowering.

“Hi Jinhwan, long time no see,” Yunhyeong beams up at him.

“I saw you yesterday,” Jinhwan deadpans, before smiling at the younger. He seems to become aware of Chanwoo’s still glowering presence at that point.

“Hi Chanwoo,” he says softly.

“Hey,” Chanwoo says shortly, before slurping his bubble tea loudly, ignoring the way Jinhwan’s face falls.

“Ignore him, he’s in one of his moods,” Yunhyeong says brightly. “Where are you off too?”

Jinhwan shrugs. “Just looking for somewhere to study,” he says, hitching his backpack higher onto his shoulder

“Sit with us,” Yunhyeong suggests, and Chanwoo’s eyes snap up. 

“Oh, I think I should find somewhere else, it’s a little crowded down here,” he says, eyes flitting to Chanwoo who doesn’t react.

“Nonsense,” Yunhyeong insists, waving someone else over. “See, here comes Donghyuk and Bobby, we can all study together.”

“Okay,” Jinhwan says hesitantly, setting his bag down on the chair. “If you insist, I guess.” He tries to sit as far away from Chanwoo as possible, but the others crowd the table, Hanbin and Junhoe eventually showing up as well, and the seven of them cram into a space meant for four, and Jinhwan ends up crammed up against Chanwoo. He can feel the tense set of Chanwoo’s shoulders, and knows he’s the cause of it. But there’s nothing he can do about it right now, so he settles in to study, eyes occasionally settling on Chanwoo’s hand, gripping his pen almost hard enough to break it.

This goes on for about half an hour before Chanwoo suddenly gathers his papers, and shoves them in his bag, chair scraping the floor as it pushes back. Everyone startles, eyes snapping to him.

“Where are you going?” Junhoe asks.

“Class,” he says, though they all know his next class doesn’t start for another half hour. No one calls him out on it though, they just watch as he frantically leaves the library.

All eyes turn to Jinhwan, like he owes them an explanation. And perhaps he does, but it’s none of their business. 

“Don’t,” he pleads when Hanbin opens his mouth. He sighs and lets his head drop against the table with a dull thud.

\--

Jinhwan is sleeping when his phone goes off. He doesn’t notice it at first, until it goes off for the third time. He groans and gropes around his bedside table for it. 

“‘Lo?” he mumbles.

“It’s Chanwoo,” the voice, Yunhyeong, on the other end is frantic.

Jinhwan is awake immediately, sitting up and throwing off his covers “Where are you?”

“His dorm, Junhoe will let you in,” Yunhyeong’s voice is shaking. 

“I’m on my way,” Jinhwan says, hanging up and immediately throwing on some clothes. He runs the whole way, the blur of sleep gone in the chilly night air. 

Chanwoo is in bad shape by the time Junhoe frantically ushers him upstairs. He’s crowded in their dorm bathroom by Yunhyeong and Hanbin, and Jinhwan can’t see what’s going on. “Let me through,” he says, pushing Hanbin to the side, a little rougher than necessary. 

Chanwoo can’t stop throwing up. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything left but bile at this point but his stomach is still contracting and he wretches. He’s completely blacked out, eyes unfocused as his face rests against the seat in between attacks. Yunhyeong is hunkered down with him, a hand on his back, and he’s holding a wet cloth to the back of his neck.

“What happened?” Jinhwan asks, voice worried as he crouches next to Chanwoo.

“I don’t know, he never came to dinner, and then some seniors found him and brought him back to the dorm. He threw up most of the alcohol outside, but he’s still throwing up and we can’t get him to stop,” Yunhyeong says, panicked. 

“Okay, okay,” Jinhwan says. Chanwoo’s face is clammy when he touches it, and the younger man doesn’t respond. “Chanwoo, can you hear me?” He gets a pained groan in response.

“Okay, well that’s good at least,” Jinhwan says, just before Chanwoo starts wretching again. “Okay, not good. If he doesn’t stop we’re going to have to take him to the hospital.”

Five minutes pass without anymore throwing up, and Jinhwan thinks it’s probably out of his system. He carefully lifts Chanwoo up, so he’s sitting up against the wall. His head lolls against his chest, and Yunhyeong clings to his arm. Jinhwan finds some water and comes to sit on Chanwoo’s other side. 

“Hey buddy,” he says softly to the half conscious Chanwoo. “I need you to drink this.”

Chanwoo tries to shake his head, but ends up nearly throwing up again. Jinhwan sighs. “Listen. You can drink this or I will pour it down your throat. Your choice.”

Chanwoo groans but lets Jinhwan help him take a drink. Once Jinhwan is sure Chanwoo isn’t going to throw it back up he makes him drink a little more. He sits there, patiently giving Chanwoo water, until he’s satisfied the other isn’t going to die. Chanwoo passes out shortly after, slumping into Jinhwan’s lap. Jinhwan cards his hand through Chanwoo’s hair, not caring that he’s sweaty. “Oh Chanwoo,” he says with a soft sigh, forgetting the three other men in the room.

“What happened between you two?” Junhoe asks, startling Jinhwan. He gives Junhoe a sad smile. 

“Not my story to tell. Chanwoo will tell you if he wants to,” he says as Chanwoo shifts, drawing his attention. “But everything here seems to be under control, and I have class in three hours , so I’m going to head back to my dorm. Someone email his professors and tell them he has the stomach flu, and put him to bed, okay?” he says. He carefully eases out from under Chanwoo, and lets himself out with a soft goodnight. 

\--

Chanwoo has been avoiding Jinhwan more than usual, and Jinhwan is frankly, getting sick of it. He’s tried more than once to text him, but they go unanswered, and worse, unopened. Yunhyeong gives weak excuses for him, the others don’t bother. They know that whatever is going on between them is between them. 

Jinhwan dreams about him. And in his dreams Chanwoo is hurt, dying, and he can’t reach him. He wakes in a cold sweat, reaching for his phone before he can think better of it. He’s halfway to dialing Chanwoo before he remembers the other hates him, and he thinks better of it and puts his phone back. If Chanwoo won’t open his texts, he can’t imagine his reaction to being called in the middle of the night. He lays back down, heart pounding in his chest. Ever since the night Yunhyeong had called him Jinhwan had started to get more worried. 

Chanwoo is starting to look gaunt, deep circles under his eyes like he isn’t sleeping much. Yunhyeong had confided that Chanwoo was still drinking, which was unusual for the younger man. Jinhwan sighs. He has to fix this, or end it. He texts Junhoe, and recieves a response almost immediately. He isn’t surprised, Junhoe rarely sleeps. Or rather, he tends to crash in the middle of the day when he’s supposed to be in class. Jinhwan talks to him for a few minutes as a plan formulated, before bidding him goodnight and slipping back into the depths of sleep.

\--

Chanwoo is exhausted. He’s barely slept in the last two days, distracting himself with soju and video games. He’s gone to a couple of his classes, but he hadn’t processed any of the information. He’s useless. All he wants to do now was go back to his dorm and sleep off his hangover. He hopes Junhoe is out so he can have the room to himself. He lets himself into the dorm, and drags himself up the two flights of stairs to his room. With a sigh he turns the key and opens the door.

Junhoe was indeed out, but the room wasn’t empty. He jumps when he sees Jinhwan perched on the bed, back pressed against the wall and staring straight at him. “Jesus, Jinhwan,” he swears. “What are you doing here?”

“You wouldn’t return my texts,” Jinhwan says plainly. 

“So you break into my room?” Chanwoo asks.

“I didn’t break in, Junhoe let me in,” Jinhwan says, somewhat smug about his plan.

“Of course he did” Chanwoo mutters. “What do you want?” he asks, finally stepping into the room and shutting the door, sealing him and Jinhwan in.

“To talk,” Jinhwan answers.

Chanwoo sighs. “I’m tired, can we do this another time?” he asks.

“No,” Jinhwan says firmly. “You’re not sleeping, Yunhyeong says you’re barely eating. You’re skipping class, you’re drinking. And it’s because of me, so no, we’re going to talk now,” Jinhwan says firmly, a touch of anger in his voice.

Chanwoo stares at him. “Fine, talk.”

Jinhwan stares at him. “I didn’t mean to reject your feelings, Chanwoo,” Jinhwan says softly.

“So what did you mean when you pushed me away then?” Chanwoo snaps. 

His mind flashes back to a cold winter night. He and Jinhwan had been curled up on the couch in Jinhwan’s dorm watching some dumb movie. Things had been building for awhile. At least for Chanwoo they had. Hands had slowly slid closer together before finally sliding together. Chanwoo’s heart had pounded in his chest, so loud he couldn’t hear the movie anymore. He turned to look at Jinhwan, and Jinhwan had turned to look at him. Chanwoo couldn’t bear it any longer and he had leaned in, catching Jinhwan’s lips with his. 

Jinhwan had startled, but kissed him back, a hand moving to cradle Chanwoo’s face. And just as suddenly as it had started, it had ended, Jinhwan pulling away. “Chanwoo wait,” he had said. “I don’t know if we should do this.” The line had been a barb in Chanwoo’s heart. His face had flushed, and he’d pulled away, something breaking inside him. He hadn’t listened to Jinhwan’s words as he tore himself away, flinging on his coat and shoes, and stumbling out into a snow storm.

And now months later, they were here.

Jinhwan sighs, a heavy weight. “I was scared.”

“Of what?” Chanwoo raises an eyebrow.

“Of my feelings for you, of messing up our friendship. Turns out I managed to just that.” He laughs bitterly. 

Chanwoo feels himself drawn forward until he’s standing in front of Jinhwan. Jinhwan slides forward on the bed so his legs bracket Chanwoo, and their eyes meet.

“I liked you so much, you big idiot,” Chanwoo mumbles. It’s Chanwoo’s turn to feel a barb through the heart. 

“Liked?” he asks, voice wavering slightly.

“Like,” Chanwoo corrects. “It’s been eating me alive,” he admits.

“I know, and I’m so sorry,” Jinhwan whispers, reaching to cup Chanwoo’s cheek. Chanwoo closes his eyes and nuzzles into the touch. “I’m sorry I did this to you. I wanted to explain, but you were upset, and I wanted to give you space.”

“I was an idiot, I’m sorry,” Chanwoo mumbles.

“No,” Jinhwan disagrees, before carefully pulling Chanwoo into a kiss. It’s barely a brush of lips, but it’s enough for Chanwoo’s heart to sing.

Chanwoo climbs up on the bed beside Jinhwan, who turns and pulls him into another kiss, firmer this time, full of intent and meaning. Chanwoo is helpless in his arms, clinging to him for dear life as they kiss and kiss again.

He doesn’t mean to, but he dozes off as Jinhwan peppers him with kisses. The last thing he hears is a small laugh, and he feels a blanket being pulled over him, and then the darkness takes him.

It’s dark when he wakes up, but he’s warm, and not alone. He blinks his eyes open to see Jinhwan watching him.

“Hi,” he mumbles.

“Hi,” Jinhwan smiles. 

Chanwoo burrows his face against Jinhwan’s chest, and Jinhwan wraps an arm around him, hugging him tight, pressing a kiss into his hair. 

“Feel better?” he asks, and Chanwoo nods, tilting his head back to look up at Jinhwan. Jinhwan leans in and pecks him on the lips.

Chanwoo nods and smiles sleepily up at Jinhwan, and for the first time in months, he feels at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> chanhwan may be dead but they'll always be alive in my heart.


End file.
